to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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