The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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