Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
