i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
