I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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