I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
