You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
