I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
