My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
