Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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