I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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