Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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