I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
