Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
