I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
