Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
