i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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