spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think i have two assholes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
