I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
