Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
