You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize