apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
