Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
