I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
