I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
