just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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