There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
