Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
