dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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