just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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