There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
