Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize