I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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