my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
