I'll bet she douches with gravy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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