if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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