Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
