dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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