i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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