Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
