Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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