We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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