Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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