I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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