that's an acceptable place to lick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
