dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
