What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
