Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize