He is an equal opportunity slut.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
