He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
