there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
