so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
