No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
