Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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