I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
