I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
