So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
