I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
