do herpes really smell.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
