u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
