I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
