I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
