Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
