cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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