if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
