since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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