She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
