he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
