So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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