There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
