so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize