We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
