Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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