I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
