I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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