I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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