I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
