Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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