I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
