i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
