And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
