Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how does that bad decision feel?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize