I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
