My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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