fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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