He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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