he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
