how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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