do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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