I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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