saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
