Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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