She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize