the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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