Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
