What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize