How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
