Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
