just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
