I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I did not marry a roomba.
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