So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
