I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
