I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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