The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
