I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
