Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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