i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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