I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
