There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
