forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
