My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
