i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize